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Land in Normandy on D-Day and battle across Europe through iconic locations in history’s most monumental war.
Those two happy days had healed the wound of my parents’ split just enough for this departure to rip it back open.

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Now, I realize it’s hard to come up with clever messages, but here’s a little secret: You don’t have to! From the hundreds of Tinder profile improvement reviews and testing that we’ve done, here are the biggest mistakes you need to avoid: If you’re in doubt whether to add in a piece of information or funny comment, leave it out!

Because I have a killer list of clever Tinder openers waiting for you. A great bio may help your Tinder results slightly, but a poor bio will definitely devastate any chance of success.

(If it’s good enough for Hilary Duff’s Tinder profile, it’s good enough for you)Hi, I’m here for a boring time. I have small hands so it will make your dick look bigger.

I’m looking for a long term relationship probably involving a lot of hard work and hardly any sex. I like to pick the movies and if you don’t let me, I’ll tell everyone you beat me. If there wasn’t enough WTF profile’s already, here’s some more.

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I read as many pages as I could after work, long into the night, and finally finished reading the thread after one whole week. Send me an emoji that represents our first date, I’ll send you an emoji that represents our future I’m banking on your standards being a lot lower than mine.“Sometimes life hands you lemons that are worth 2 in the bush, I like puppies.”I’ll write to you every day for a year. I’m a highly motivated, controlling, narcissistic asshole with bad grammar… It’s all on the list so you can use these messages to date and hookup with beautiful Tinder girls tonight.

You gotta marry someone you know you’d still be down to fuck in the laundry room real quick while the kids are downstairs watching Lion King & ten minutes left till the dinosaur nuggets are read to come out the oven. Skills I have acquired over a very long sexual career. I can nail an arrow in the back of your skull at over 100 yards. PS: all I eat is mozzarella sticks, Doritos, and di*k. Boys call me Dumbledore cause I’m the head master The C and the L are silent. It may make me sound like a whore, but as long as you open and hold my door, I will straight up fuck you then and there on the floor Women seeks hostile man for mutual psychological torture, co-dependency and future divorce. If your dog is cute, I’ll probably look through your photos twice and I’ll still kiss you after you give me a rim job and I do a lot of yoga. I’d like to cover you in peanut butter and see how much I could lick off before my peanut butter allergy killed me. The only thing that’s not goofy about me is my stance. I’m [Your Name] and I cuddle at a level that should require a paid subscription. one night older Hobbies: boning your mom and getting shredded. Our relationship should be like Nintendo 64–classic, fun to spend hours with, and every issue easily fixed by blowing on it then shoving it back in. I have an AMD graphics card, so you can say I’m used to things getting hot quickly. Team Leader / Party Starter (also see: bacon enthusiast, beard grower, semi-professional high fiver)I’m 6’3″ and will put you on my shoulders at concerts. I’m just here for sex from a white boy with mommy issues. But if you swipe right, I will match with you, I will flirt with you and I will fu*k you. I’m not good at taking off bras so don’t worry, I won’t ask you for casual sex. Let’s be honest I’m on Tinder and my first picture is of me in a bikini, I’m not looking for a relationship or a friend. You only get three great women in your life, my mom and grandma are two, you’ll be the third. I’m counting on your standards being lower than mine. Also, my son Ghengis is the most important man in my life. I’m [Your Name] my hobbies include leaves, the fall, pumpkin spice lattes, apple picking, and whatever else girls are into at the moment. I prefer women who talk a lot about their ex and a love for bootyliciousness. Nah, it’s completely fair, and I’ll tell you why, alright? Dating black girls is really a plus because you don’t have to worry about meeting their fathers. I’m outdoorsy in the sense that I like to get drunk on patios. I just want a guy to buy me flowers, send me a million cute texts an call me mine, I’ll make you food so wife me up. Just be John Cusack outside my window with a boombox. After going out for four years you decide to propose. I think that’s all you need to know I’ll make you dessert, if you don’t like it, there is always me ;)The only reason I want a boyfriend is so that when I’m singing Fergilicious and it’s at the part where she says “I be up in the gym just workin on my fitness he’s my witness” I can point to him and he’ll do the little ” woo OOH” part because right now I have to do both parts by myself and it’s stressful because right after the woo OOH part I have to get right back into rapping and the transition is harder than you think Tessticles (haha that’s Tinder gold! Mirror selfies, rig shots and roid monkeys need not apply. I look like a kid, if you are into that kinda thing. A kiss makes my whole day, but anal makes my hole weak I’m grown up but not grown, grown. If I’m interested, I’ll place my underpants on the table. Return them washed, and we will consummate passionately. A plus if you wear my mom’s perfume and fit perfectly in the void she left.