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Most relationships that I have seen do not make it, the "normal" spouse can begin to have problems because they no longer need to protect or take care of the alcoholic, this can lead in several directions.

first off, I know the AA recommendation about not dating during your first year of sobriety. :) My ex-boyfriend and I broke up a couple of months ago (completely amicable, he moved to Chicago to start grad school and the distance just became unsustainable, I live in San Francisco). He's great, seems very stable and self-aware, he doesn't drink (not in the program but just chooses not to).

My ex has been great and supportive, he was also in the program and recently shared with me some of the things that went wrong in the disastrous relationship he got into at 3 months sober -- being overly vulnerable, got attached too quickly, and lost focus on himself and his recovery, as a way of helping me know what pitfalls to look out for.

Anyway, I'm just wondering if y'all have other advice you would be willing to share regarding dating in early sobriety. I came from, born and raised in the diseaseand was not only predisposed to the chemical and all of the stuff that brings butalso the thoughts, feeling and behaviors that make up an alcoholic's character.

Heck its been well over a year since my last formal date anyway so I think I can wait longer if necessary.

There are parts of my social life that involve drinking that I'm not really willing to give up, but as long as that's not an issue for her, I'd consider it.

So it's not just the "normal" spouse who has problems.

I'm lucky that he tolerates my occasional pot smoking.

Coming back to what I said, I should have prefaced that by saying what happened between my wife and I was more the exception than the rule.In fact, I dated a guy when I was still in AA who had no problems cancelling dates with me in order to attend AA or NA events, and who took lengthy "sponsee" phone calls at dinner.I told him to get lost and call me back when he was ready for a relationship with some actual relating.I have heard tho many times that it is recommended that new ppl dont make any major changes early in sobriety. This is not an official recommendation of Alcoholics Anonymous as far as I know.It is something shared in AA meetings and from my own experience of seeing new ppl make these particular changes it has rarely turned out good.Me being in the program doesn't do anything for the people I chooseto be in relationships with...